I can’t believe we are in July already!

How did the time go past so quickly considering we have been in lockdown from March 23rd, me furloughed since then and only left my street a handful of times up until very recently?

The days just kind of merged into one another trying to keep busy with the mundane cooking (tried to jazz things up with new culinary delights), cleaning (bored to tears), gardening, festering on the sofa and at the same time trying not to totally freak out over the world tilting on its axis with world leaders making baffling decisions or not in some cases. It is only from my other half working and daughter having first homeschooling and then returning to school that I know when the weekend is.

When the lockdown was announced my camera, an extension of myself, was put away into the cupboard to hibernate. I knew my street photography was on hold for the foreseeable future. I half-heartedly tried a bit of portraiture with the family but they were not interested and I got bored with macro photography, and flowers in the garden. Also, there is only so much editing and curating of old material that you can do.

So, I grabbed on to the lifeline available, exercise allowed outside.

The woods opposite the house beckoned and I clambered out of bed every morning at the crack of dawn ensuring there were as few people around as possible to heed social distancing rules. Bluebell season was upon us which made for beautiful scenery.

Fleetingly I thought maybe I should bring the camera if there are any people about but then I felt that they are in the same position as me; desperate to get out for mental headspace and exercise, to let the anxious thoughts and worries roam free. Walking the paths through the trees and meadows, anguishing about possibly getting sick, job losses, how to afford the rent or mortgages, food on the table, what to do if you need a doctor. Some people with loved ones in the hospital that they can’t visit or loved ones lost to COVID-19. I couldn’t take advantage of my fellow wood-wanderers so I walked miles and miles every morning listening to Podcasts or talking to my family in Sweden.

On these walks, I started to notice the discarded items left behind and to lighten the mood I used my phone to capture these oddments. I posted these on my Instagram stories with puns and captions and they were well received. The more I looked the more items I found.

As I continued on my strolls and time went on, it struck me that the majority of items I found were left in the evenings and at night, a whole different world to my morning trips. Darker times with a red thread of seediness that were tinged with drugs (both legal and illegal) as well as evidence of booze, hookups, sex, crimes, junk food, fires, items of clothing amongst other things. So despite these images being flanked with light-hearted and tongue in cheek comments, I don’t want to take away that behind each of these images might be peoples potential unhappiness; maybe taking refuge in the woods because they are escaping life, addiction, lost love, crimes, domestic violence, mental distress, sickness, worry or distress.

I’m hoping to put a selection of the IG stories together in a zine in the not too distant future, ‘The seedy Chronicles of Oxleas Woods’ with proceeds going towards charity.

Finally, the time had come to venture into central London. The first lot of restrictions had been eased somewhat and I wanted to take the opportunity to document the boarded-up shopfronts, pubs & restaurants as well as deserted streets and squares and also to make sure I hadn’t developed agoraphobia.

It was a fantastic feeling, after a slightly anxious induced train journey with a face mask wandering about again in Chinatown with charged batteries, an empty SD card and camera held high. A friend living centrally joined and it was the best of feelings being able to chat in person rather than on a screen, albeit with a distance kept. I think we were all suffering from zoom & FaceTime fatigue at this point and desperate for that human contact.

The initial happiness was short-lived; in my mind photography should be a bit like riding a bike but I felt really rusty and off my game. It was much busier than anticipated even from early on and I frequently forgot to check the very basic settings. I kept knocking dials so the shutter speed had a life on its own and was either too fast or too slow, suddenly double exposure was in use, missed easy shots that I should’ve nailed and ISO was all over the place in the brash midday light so many images were blown. I even managed to change the shutter button focus to continuous autofocus as well as switching the face detection on, it completely threw me and took some time to work out. I felt stressed and flustered as this all should be second nature.

It also didn’t help that I felt anxious and a great weariness of people as at this point transmission of COVID19 was still quite high so I wasn’t as close up to people as normal or moving in for shots that were unfolding. Not very mindful in myself or in my shooting at all.

Home I went with about 600 images, I did not like many of them.

I knew I needed to get out there with the camera again so my walks through the woods got swapped out with walks through the Eltham roads and High Street. It felt really weird, out of place shooting street here on my home turf and despite a fantastic light, I was mostly looking out for people I knew or recognised so I could avoid them. It lasted for a week and then I was back in the woods again looking for rubbish treasures.

A few weeks later with some further ease of restrictions and the shops opening. I bit the bullet, took the train into town again and met @belinda on a Sunday morning for a social distance photo stroll and chat through the City & East End. The walk and company were just what the doctor ordered but again fluster and stress made itself known as the day went on. Petticoat Lane was one of our first stops it was really great with the morning sun washing over the stalls with its rays as they were being prepared and stocked up with colourful fabrics and clothes. Great characters out for the shopping and banter, most with face masks, and keeping a distance chasing the bargains being called out by the stallholders. It quickly got busier, the sun reached midday crescendo and we had that harsh light to battle with again and it didn’t help that it kept popping in and out of the clouds with great and fast frequency.

We moved on and strolled through Spitalfields Market which had a relaxed and calm atmosphere but then headed up to Brick Lane. Maybe a poor choice for the day, glancing down the road it was heaving so we took a sharp turn towards Aldgate and the City again. A nice stroll along the river past the Tate but by the South Bank it got quite hairy, mobile bars selling take away beer made people threw complete caution to the wind. Large groups, families, skateboarders without the skate park available milling about all moving about like headless chickens. At this point, the heavens also opened and everybody tried to congregate under the trees to shelter from the deluge. Needless to say, I was on the next train home. Again, a full SD card but only one or possibly two images that were in my mind passable.

This state of mind I felt was not good for my confidence nor creativity so only a few days later I was on the 6.30 am train hand this time heading for the city centre. My solitary journey started at London Bridge and the short stroll to Borough Market. It was lovely, the muted golden morning light pouring through the market and streets. Stallholders preparing for their day, construction workers in their bright orange and hardhats, commuters and a vast number of joggers milling about. It was calm and respectful with people keeping a distance. I could feel myself slowly relax into my day ahead which meant I took my time with settings, preparing and setting the scene and immerse into the area. I found a couple of corners where I could wait and watch, nobody took any notice and for the first time in months, I felt like I belonged. Slowly walking along the Thames, I crossed at Blackfriars and walked up Fleet Street past the courts. I stopped in Covent Garden for a coffee, again very relaxed and quiet. All the roads at some point seem to lead me to Soho and the West End, I felt like I had arrived home.

The sun decided to desert me at this point so I concentrated more on windows and people, meandering up to Oxford Circus I carried on to Marble Arch and back with a detour in Mayfair where I had a quick coffee with friends. It was surprisingly few people about and actually not as many shops open as I had anticipated.

As the day went on I was so engrossed I didn’t even notice the time. Rain, wind, clouds and sun – the whole range within minutes just added to the fun. Despite getting busier and me popping on my mask, I wasn’t flustered or uncomfortable, I was back on that bike doing my thing with a big smile on my face.

Over 20km walked but didn’t even feel tired, a full card with a few images I actually didn’t hate – more than anything, I was back in control and feeling relaxed, taking the time to set the scene, noticing the changing light and different backdrops whilst breathing in the atmosphere. Belonging in that moment where nobody really noticed or cared that I took pictures. Suddenly it hit me; I had come out of my photographic hibernation and I was truly looking forward to the next time.

My creative journey through lockdown

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