It’s just over a year now, the world as we know it is still tilting on its axis but, the finishing line seems somewhat closer, almost visible and that light at the end of the tunnel a tad brighter.
For me, I can only describe it all as a most enormous emotional rollercoaster with abysses the size of the Mariana trench and peaks like the Everest in its path, hope, and despair alternating madly like currents through the body and mind.
I have had such a surplus of cortisol and adrenaline coursing through my body making it hard to concentrate on simple things like reading a book or watching a film from start to finish, not being able to stop myself poking at that darn screen for the latest updates, flash news bulletins, government announcements, scary conspiracy theories, social media posts, and hoaxes. On many occasions, my phone took pleasure in telling me I had managed to accumulate over seven hours of screen time in one single day which is insane and beyond unhealthy.
Despite being an introvert, I found myself missing people and social situations. Even if I often shoot alone in central London, you are still close to and surrounded by millions of people and more times than not bumping into fellow photographers and you stop for a brief catch up before moving along to the next street corner and frame.
I felt so desperately lonely - there are also only so many zoom calls and face time chats you can do with family and friends afar before the sadness overwhelms you.
We are now finally emerging out of our third lockdown which I have found the hardest of them all, especially as we here in London and SE England have not been able to do anything since halfway through December so the restrictions have covered all the winter months with its long nights and not so desirable weather. It would have been so easy to stay in bed and not get dressed for the day but thankfully having a daughter in secondary helped as I felt I had to forego with a good example and also be at hand for help with homeschooling as well as emotional support and company even though mum is not that cool to hang out with. Consequently, by being more present at home we have grown much closer and this I am incredibly thankful for.
The savor through these past 13 months when restrictions have been in place have been (apart from my family) the walking and my camera. Five to 15km, day in and day out for hours on end - either in the woods opposite me when it was really bad and I felt almost scared of crossing paths with people, later mixed with the local streets where I was making bigger and bigger loops to see what was around, and what could be captured. I have explored parts of Eltham I didn’t know, also Avery Hill, Shooters Hill, Greenwich, Welling, Plumstead….
Periodically I have been back in central London, between lock-downs but also for exercise when allowed. I was un-furloughed for about three months and went back to work through late summer and part of the autumn, not liking the tube I walked everywhere across London which helped with the daily stress factor.
Not all images captured through this period are strictly street as I ventured out in the darkness, sun, dusk, dawn, frost, fog, and snowy conditions but it kept me sane and in the moment.
Those hours out and about and also at home going through the taken images was a blissful holiday from my madly oversubscribed brain as well as uncomfortable thoughts, and feelings. To be able to feel that stillness and calm as you look through the viewfinder (or uploading them to lightroom), to frame the scene and freeze that specific and magical moment of time with my trusty FujiX-T2. Waiting out that split second when somebody walks perfectly through that viewfinder you have carefully aligned with a backdrop, shadow, or color matching a street sign with a coat. When the light suddenly becomes golden and magic in the afternoon and the shadows grow dark and tall.
Blissful feelings of calm when you can take a deep slow breath pulling it all the way to the bottom of your lungs and you feel not even a whisper of anxiousness, stress, or panic. Nothing else matters apart from what you are doing there and then.
Mindful photography has certainly saved my marbles and sanity through this pandemic.
I don’t think we will be back to normal as we remember it for quite some time but society is now slowly opening up and we will be able to socialize if at distance, work with colleagues rather than at home and travel within the country more freely, With time, also across borders to see family, friends and to explore more of the world, so many places to visit and capture.
